I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
