i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
