You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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