is your mom at the bar?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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