he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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