I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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