I don't think brook has ever known best
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
