Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
