And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
