thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
