Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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