Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize