Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
