yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
