sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
