i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
