just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
