please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
