im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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