Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
