Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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