i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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