Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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