I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When are your genitals available?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
