saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
