When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
