Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
