Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
