So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
