Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
