Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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