can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
