Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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