hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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