They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My balls are so social today.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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