Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
