You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
