all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
