I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
