I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
