Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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