I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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