No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
