i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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