Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
