You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
