why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
