Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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