spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
