If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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