im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
