you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
