I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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