If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
