I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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