They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
