he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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