he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
