Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
