dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
