What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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