My balls are so social today.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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